Complaints Department

Just to save everyone's time, here is a selection of arguments we've heard, which we're not very impressed by.  Many of these were taken from the letters columns of the Veterinary Record.  If your complaint is covered by one or more of these points, consider, do you want to bother?

(Note: the term 'pure water' is artistic licence.  We know that what is given to the patient is sometimes a water / alcohol mixture, and quite often a pellet of lactose.  We don't think tiny amounts of alcohol or lactose have any more therapeutic value than water.)

  1. "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."  Therefore it is OK to prescribe pure water and pretend it's medicine.
  2. Nobody's perfect, and some scientific vets may even on occasion have recommended therapies which weren't entirely proven by repeated double-blind testing.  Therefore it is OK to prescribe pure water and pretend it's medicine.
  3. Real drugs can be quite powerful, and it is possible to misuse them.  Therefore it is OK to prescribe pure water and pretend it's medicine.
  4. Real drugs can leave residues in the environment.  Therefore it is OK to prescribe pure water (which has no residue problems) and pretend it's medicine.
  5. It is arguable that standard veterinary vaccination régimes are over the top.  Therefore it is OK to prescribe pure water and pretend it's medicine.
  6. Clients pay vets who prescribe real drugs.  Therefore it is OK to prescribe pure water and pretend it's medicine.
  7. Companies selling real drugs sometimes give vets perks to persuade them to consider prescribing their product.  Therefore it is OK to prescribe pure water and pretend it's medicine.
  8. Alexander Fleming didn't know the chemical formula for penicillin when he discovered it.  Therefore it is OK to prescribe pure water and pretend it's medicine.
  9. Some vets spend a great deal of time with each client, listening to them and talking to them and making them feel good.  It is OK for these people to prescribe pure water and pretend it's medicine.
  10. Some vets really CARE about their patients, and CARE about making them better.  It is OK for these people to prescribe pure water and pretend it's medicine.
  11. Some human physicians are convinced that pure water is medicine, and even prescribe it on the NHS.  This proves it is efficacious.
  12. Galileo and Pasteur and Marshall were all rejected by mainstream thinking, and they turned out to be right.  Homoeopathy is rejected by mainstream thinking, therefore it must be right too.
  13. Some clients are convinced that pure water is medicine, and are extremely keen for it to be prescribed.  It is OK to humour these people.
  14. The clients are happy, and that's all that matters.  (This is the veterinary version of the medical homeopaths' "the patients think they're better, and that's all that matters.")
  15. Pretending pure water is medicine never did anybody any harm.
  16. If you've never treated your patients with pure water, how can you be sure it doesn't work?
  17. Pure water is medicine, so long as you shake the bottle.

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